May 30, 2009

Holy crap am I sore today!

It feels like I’ve been punching really tall people in the face all day… plus, for some reason today – my thighs are bruised from the contact with the back rail of the table. It’s really bad today… like I’ve been having angry sex with the air hockey table all day instead of just playing. It all has to do with the lesson Billy gave me yesterday – the left wall under and cross straight. I was the only student today, but I had two teachers. Billy was joined by Don James, who occasionally interjected with some solid advice.

I had some trouble hitting the left wall accurately with velocity. I felt like I really had to aim my shot… and when I missed, I found that I wasn’t looking at the spot I should have been aiming at. For some reason, I can ‘feel’ a right wall under… but perhaps my accuracy woes are caused by me not aiming my shot… I dunno… I’ll have to practice this (among many other things). Hitting these two shots caused me to use different muscles. I began to already feel it in my elbow not long after we began… and this morning – I’m feeling sore in my outside shoulder like I had been boxing. It was strange that I was doing better with the left wall under than I was with a ‘correct’ cross shot. Previously, I’d do a right to left drift, and attack the left or right side of the goal depending on whether the defense had followed the puck… but I wasn’t hitting it deceptively. This was my basic skill set months ago – and I became so predicable that people could charge or stay still for the straight shot without worry… since then I’ve been able to hit a pretty good right wall under from the left position. (in the youtube video of me playing Goran – you can see me hitting a very poor right wall under from the left position – Goran had keyed on this shot so much that me attempting something different caught him off guard).

Billy says that the three attacks I have to go to the nationals with is a cut, a right wall under, and a cross-straight… those three shots are essential. Of all these shots, I’m probably best with the cut, but my rwu’s are effective when I set up my shot… or add a time delay. I really need to work on my crosses, though – all of them, realistically need to get way, way more accurate to take it to the next level.

A bunch of people show up… the only glaring omission was Nick who was working. I was pretty happy when, by virtue of the seeding, I got to play Don first. Testing him out – I found it to be a serious mistake to attempt any off-goals. He just chases missed shots down so incredibly well. Billy mentioned that us IL people in general do a poor job of doing this… seeing Don showed me how far I have to go and how useful it can be. He puts a lot of pressure on the offense to be accurate… you’re just not going to get to shoot over and over against him. He had a great cross shot, but knew right when to hit his rwu against me. I defended that shot very poorly against him. The one time I did take a game from him… I just hit all my shots and found some accuracy. Seems to be the story of my career… if I go through a game and hit accurate shots – hitting the corner every time… I tend to win. I’m just so incredibly below competent at being accurate – and this was really my strength once upon a time… but now I’m doing an infinitely better job at setting up my shots and I’m way, way more deceptive. Anyway, Don is also one of those air hockey players that will employ weird gambits… like this one: Once he’s scored upon, he’ll reach into the slot – grab the puck (hidden from his opponent), and then start kneeing it, like the puck is stuck… then quickly, put the puck down and take a shot while the opponent is thinking he can’t get to the puck. I wonder if these types of gambits will be featured in a lesson from Billy… I’d be interested in seeing all the goofy things people have done… and maybe practice a few myself.

I loved playing Don… he’s got a completely different style from anyone else I’ve played – and he’s also hilarious. When Don screws up… he’ll yell at himself. He’d give up a bad turnover and holler, “Don Jr!”… later on in the day, it went to “Jesus Fucking Christ!”. He added a lot of levity to the game, and it was just fun. He was cracking me up all day – and gave me advice “from one big guy to another”. At the end of the day, I told him one of my weaknesses is in the transition… when I’m on offense and I lose the puck… that I have a hard time getting into my defensive stance… and he just replied, “It’s the fat guy switch – don’t worry about it… people will waste their shots if they hurry things.” Yeah… I think I just need to go to the gym more often… maybe I won’t have to worry about the “fat boy switch”.

After losing to Don, I got put into the loser’s bracket… where I got to face Eric… and in the first game, Eric was shooting incredibly hard and accurate shots that went right past the defense… it was a shame all of those shots were against his own goal.. and I 7-0’s Eric… with his help… I believe he scored 4 goals against himself that game. There was only one way to go from there… and it’s up. To Eric’s credit – he hunkered down and took his first game against me… a squeaker, 7-6 in the third game. I think the major thing Eric has to work on is just puck control and not scoring on himself. Scoring on yourself is the worst… it’s humiliating, it helps your opponent an awful lot – and they didn’t have to do anything. In “class” with Billy, I feel like I should have to do pushups or something when I score on myself… It’s like a flashback to my football days… which is what the coaches would force us to do when we screwed up.

Anyway.. congrats to Eric for taking his first game against me… it’s progress.

Afterwards, I took out my camera and took some video (my camera is really bad for video… I’d love to get something that takes hi-def video sometime).

I took a couple different angles. I thought it would be interesting to look over the shoulder of someone playing… you get a better idea of what it would be like to play that person.

and here’s one of Billy and Don… I had to move because there were some kids flooding into the arcade – I was blocking one of the games, so I thought I should move.

Billy then played the winner of Geoff and Mike. Mike was up 3 games to 1 before Geoff took over… Billy beat Geoff 4-0, and then it was my turn to play him. For some reason, Geoff and I seem to be more evenly matched. He still beats me, but it feels as though I had a chance – which is different from when I play Goran and Billy. We played a very contested set – in the deciding game 6, we had drawn a nice crowd. It seemed as though I was playing better than Geoff.. and had several chances to put him away. My shots were set up very nicely.. and I caught him out of position… but I just missed the shot… it was very frustrating. I wanted to at least get to game 7. Geoff is known for his defense – but it seemed as though we exchanged goals frequently. My straight shots were accurate, and I set up the wall shot with a delay or a pump fake. I had burned him so bad with my accurate straights that, after the match, he said he was willing to give up the rail shots. I also had success with the shot Billy told me to take – which is the cut from the right. Anyway, the game was a lot of fun, and it was cool to see people rooting for me.

My last set came against Mike.. in our spinoff match. I take back all the stuff I said about how Mike is dangerous when he’s serious. I think I have the most problems with him when he’s just goofing off. In our first game – he was hitting everything at me 1/4 speed. Just goofy, slow shots. I know he he at least 2 of these shots in, and I know I hit 2 in on myself… the rest were those awful shots where it’s blocked.. but juts off to the side of the table, to bounce back – hit the bottom of your mallet, and goes in the goal. I really need to take Don’s advice and get away from the goal the second you make contact with the puck. I rallied back and started to use the lessons Billy had taught. I know I hit a really good left wall under.. I know I caught Mike with a couple cross straights.. and the cut from the right also was working well for me. In game 5 – I was down early.. and then I got it tied 4-4 before scoring 3, very quick scores. All cuts and straights. It was one of those “why can’t I hit those shots like this all the time” moments. Mike took the 6th game and for the 7th Mike was brimming with confidence. I shot out ahead early – again finding my mark… and Mike started to worry – his previous smirk had disappeared. I missed a couple left wall unders, but the puck came back to me – and it was enough of a set up for my cross straight… and I beat Mike with a resounding 7-3 victory.

It was a fun day, and there were some discussions about whether to host a handicap tourney. There seemed to be points for it and against it. I guess beginners don’t like to be stomped on as much as I do. That’s the theory, at least. I guess if I had to play a beginner, but give them a 4 point lead.. I’d probably play very hard to win… and find myself in more ‘do or die’ sort of situations. If that’s what it takes to get new people to play, all the better.. but if I’m playing Billy, Geoff, Goran, Mike, Geoff, or Nick – I don’t want any points handed to me.

thanks for the f*cking cigarette!

So Thursday rolls around… and like usual, I’m excited to play air hockey. After weeks of being caught up with all my work, or having my work postponed… I’ve been flooded with work. All I could think about was getting the hell out… and that’s actually pretty rare for me.

So.. I head out to the ‘ol BZ and I catch Mike playing a video game. He’s got, like dozens of games in the machine. Apparently, if one just simply smacks the coin input… it gives you credits. Mike was intent on beating the game… and there wasn’t anyone else around – so I thought I could wait it out. Mike was even kind enough for me to jump in the game when he took off randomly for little bits of time. My best ‘attack’ was when the helicopter I was flying got shot down, and I could direct the burning wreckage towards some target. The game wasn’t terribly fun to play let alone watch… so after a little bit of prodding I got Mike to agree to air hockey. Mike gave the game over to some kids who were playing other video games.

Actually.. right before that – Jeremy showed up and we started playing a set. I won the first two games quickly… I think I match up nicely against him. I think my slower paced game bores him to death. He took off after the 2nd loss… and so I started playing Mike.

I wanted to work on my drifts… basically the simple – start from my right hand side, and go over the middle. I wanted to see where I could hit most of my shots to max effectiveness. I also wanted to get better at hitting a cut shot from the right side. The weird thing is that I tend to miss left when attempting this shot… which is good in that I usually get the puck back and don’t turn it over. I found that just having a good number of straight, accurate shots was what was helping me beat Mike. I took the first two games before Mike rallied taking the next 3. I did poorly when I did 2 things: when I missed frequently, and when I had poor puck control (I unnecessarily turned the puck over, and scored on myself). It didn’t feel like Mike was doing anything different on defense… it was just me unable to hit the target. His offense was… strangely disciplined. When Mike really needed to score, he set up his shots well and was very accurate… He caught me several times where I *knew* what he was going to do.. but because his shot was so accurate and fast… I couldn’t get back in time. We ended up taking it to the final game – and I found my accuracy and got up early. It took me awhile, but I was able to hang on for the win.

…it was another well-fought battle. It felt good to beat Mike.. and we headed outside to cool off and have a smoke. On our way out, 3 high schoolers were heading out, and one asked Mike if he could bum a smoke. Mike nearly complied but then asked how old the kid was. The kid started to get a little mouthy about how it didn’t matter how old he was and that he was probably older than Mike… just a bunch of needless jibber-jabber… and just being a dick about the whole thing. When I pass over the homeless people and don’t give them any money or don’t give them a smoke… I don’t get cursed out. Apparently when you’re a priviledged kid, being rebuffed for a smoke is a capital offense. Had we known, I’m sure we would have kowtowed to his every whim with a couple “Yessir’s” thrown in for good measure.

Thinking the matter was over, we were chatting outside, when our group of highschoolers drove by – the passenger shouting, “Thanks for the fucking cigarette” – and threw a full cup of Sprite at Mike… hitting him in the chest… and then promptly drove off.

I couldn’t fucking believe it. What kind of cowardly shit is that? What kind of asshole move is it when refused a handout – that you pull this stunt… then do it in such a cowardly way so as to skirt any retribution. Cowardly, yes… and also smart.

Anyway… not much damage done. Mike was wearing a jacket which took the brunt of the attack.. his shirt got a little wet – but the idea of someone doing something like that was pretty distasteful. We’re hoping they find their way back next Thursday.

We cooled our heads and played another set… I think I was more distracted than Mike and he beat me 4-1. The one thing I did successfully was practice my overs. I hit a couple really nice right wall overs against Mike before I gave up a really bad unforced turnover. Mike was way ahead, so I felt I could experiment.

Mike was eager to play more – but I had run out my welcome… so he ran over to Pat – who announced the “beat our resident air hockey pro game”. I even got in on the action and got to play some people.

I didn’t screw around as much as when I saw Nick last week… who can be flashy and do ‘fun’ stuff. I just hit accurate straights for the most part. It’s really satisfying to hit the puck 3 times and score on each shot. I tried to give tips to people I was playing, but it didn’t seem to help much. One of the surprising things was that these guys would almost always attempt a forehand shot as their first shot. I even tried to help another attempt the triangle defense… but he quickly gave up – surely because he felt exposed. There weren’t nearly as many people coming over as last week… so we ended things early.

We hung out outside for a bit, and Mike’s friend showed us pictures of his car after a bunch of kids threw giant rocks at it. There was a huge gouge taken out of his side panel – and his rear window was completely smashed in. I usually try to calm down after a couple hours of air hockey and maybe think about my game a bit on my ride home… but this time – I just wondered what the heck was wrong with people these days.

Interview: Eric Rood

Eric Rood is my brother-in-law… and is awesome. Honestly, I probably have more in common with Eric than any other in-law sibling… and really… even probably my own siblings. Our music tastes overlap… we’ve gone to shows together – I recall Ween, Swervedriver and Bear Claw (which is a pretty good variety). And even now – he’s an air hockey player. It’s nice that we get along because now that I’m married to his sister… he has to see my ugly mug on all the family get-togethers. Oooh, and it’s going to be a blast hanging out with him in a couple weeks when the family gets together for a vacation.

So.. here’s the interview:

Are you more of a dog or cat person? Myself… I can’t decide… it’s like deciding who your favorite child is. My cat cracks me up all the time, and Zoe is just adorable. Are you planning on getting any animals? If yes, What would you get?

If I had an accommodating space, I’d love to have a dog. I’m thinking basset hound, but I don’t know enough about them to be 100% certain about the breed. But I know that having even a medium-size dog in an apartment can be truly unfair to the animal, so I would have to make sure he/she/it has enough space. Cats, however, seem to make do with however much space they’re given. So I could see having a cat. Also, I’m a fan of rodents. I’ve had hamsters and guinea pigs, both of which I like. So I could see myself with any number of animals, though it would likely be a mammal; I’m not a huge fan of snakes and lizards. And fish are boring (Sorry Joe).

I’m stunned… absolutely stunned that Dick Cheney is running around and defending his “enhanced interrogation” policies. As someone who has two, maybe three working neurons – I’m not buying his defense of “because it worked so well” to justify it. That’s the one that really gets me – morality be damned… ends justifying the means. The idea that they waterboarded some guy 183 times in the course of a month (over 6 a day)… and tried to get information from him linking Al Qaeda and Saddam (who were mortal enemies) is beyond me. Now… I saw a video of a guy volunteering to get waterboarded – he bet some friends of his he’d last at least 15 seconds before giving up. He lasted about 3. After that 3 seconds, he looked miserable. Considering that people make false confessions in murder trials after a day of fierce examination… I can’t even begin to imagine what kind of stories I’d tell after a month of 6x a day waterboarding. Yet Cheney insists the information he got was solid and thousands of lives were spared. Y’know, like that info on wmd’s in Iraq. So… do you think waterboarding is torture? Do you think it’s ok to get important information in this manner even if it can save lives?

As a trained (and snotty) journalist, I look down on your attempt at influencing an answer by prefacing it with a long, biased rant. With that in mind, I do find it difficult to consider waterboarding as anything more than torture. Furthermore, information obtained in this manner seems questionable at best. Torture seems to damage the psyche into saying whatever will to end the pain. If, in this case, it involved saying Saddam attended an Al Qaeda barbecue/fundraiser/AK-47 showcase in Kurdistan, where he impressed the crowd by drinking a case of unrefrigerated Lithuanian malt liquor, eating incredible amounts of Cheetos, and forcing the party’s DJ to play Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” while he did a move-for-move recreation of the music video*, then the detainee was just trying not to drown again. On a semi-related note, can you source the notion that al Qaeda and Saddam were mortal enemies?

* Saddam Hussein, the waterboardee said, thusly invented “Rick Rolling.”

Why the Cubs hate? I understand regional pride, in being a fan of a sports team in which you live, but it’s confusing in a situation like Chicago baseball – when you’ve got two teams to root for. Instead of a population mixing and matching and being a fans of both teams (they’re in different conferences, after all) – there’s a weird mutual hatred for each team and what they represent. So, tell me how you became a Sox fan in a house full of Cubs fans and explain to me why everyone just can’t get along.

Mostly I became a Sox fan because [my oldest brother] Phil was, and that seemed the proper thing to do. In retrospect, it was one of the better decisions I’ve made. We didn’t get many Sox games on free TV when I was growing up, so I felt like it was a special occasion when I got to see one once every two or three weeks. It developed an air of specialness to the team, unlike the Cubs, who were always on and usually boring [and losing]. The Sox teams I watched were generally better than the Cubs, too [Want it quantified? The Cubs had two winning seasons between 1990-1999; the Sox had five]. So, since I was five or six, I was a big Sox fan. This was reinforced when I went to my first Sox game in 1991, and I have lots of great Sox memories since then.

I can get along with Cubs fans, actually, better than most Sox fans. The problem I’ve always run across is that Cubs fans literally know (and care) nothing about the Sox and are never willing to talk about anything but the Cubs. It’s a widespread problem; Sox fans take crap if they say they don’t care about the Cubs, but Cubs fans just dismiss the Sox like they are the Colorado Rockies or something. It’s weird. In any event, I get along with Cubs fans OK, but I always make them talk about the White Sox, too, because it’s only fair. If I were a Cubs fan, though, I would be 150% irate with the team because they should have crushed everyone in the playoffs each of the last two years and they didn’t win a single game.

Since I’m married to your sister, tell me a story from your childhood that represents your relationship with her. Also, tell me how much fun it’s going to be hanging out with me and your family in June.

Hmmm…I didn’t interact with her all that much when I was a kid, because our age gap was just wide enough (6 years or so) that we seldom had much in common; I spent most of my time either by myself or doing stupid stuff with Joe. I don’t know if anything from my childhood represents my relationship with anyone; I was a pretty independent kid and I don’t really think I got along all that well with my siblings. At least, that’s how I remember it; I was [am] the weird kid in the family. That all started to change in my late teens, I think, and now we all pretty much get along.

Anyway, vacation is much needed and it will be amazing.

When it comes to air hockey, you have no bad habits and you are soaking up all the information Billy is giving you very well. Everyone just says you need a little more practice to keep from making mistakes. I recall watching you in your first couple games, and you hardly had any control of the puck at all – and now, you’re just so much better. It’s really amazing how you can watch someone go from absolutely no game to being competitive in the matter of a couple weeks. I predict you will win a set off of me, Nick, or Mike around the time the Nationals hit (if you keep playing weekly). You’re more athletic than anyone there, except maybe Nick – so I don’t see any reason why you can’t surpass us all at some point. When do you see yourself winning sets against us and what kind of player do you want to be?

I think it will be another few months until I have a chance at winning sets against very competitive players. As for the kind of player…I’m not sure. Someone who plays a pretty straightforward game most of the time, focusing on making the defense guess and guess wrong. I’d like to improve my defense, because that’s really what keeps me from having a chance.

As someone who has a journalism degree – you came out to play because you originally thought you could write a story ‘on spec’ about air hockey. You’ve really dove in and been serious about playing and having fun, and I think that would make any story you did more informative and personal. Mixing your personal story in with those who have a legitimate shot at winning the tourney (be it Davis, Nizzi, or Ehab, or someone else) would make for a great story. You’re an amazing photographer – and I don’t buy the idea that you can’t write. I’ve given you a great angle for use in your story and it would be simply fun to write. You need to do this. In response to this question – think about what you could write and post a brief outline and a list of people you’d like to interview to understand the history of the sport, tactics/strategy, matchups, and the future of the sport.

A good journalist never gives up a story idea before he writes it. But I have something brewing.

Ok… let’s say you’re in a race with a tortoise, and because you move much faster than one, let’s say you give it a 100m head start. The race starts and in the time you cover 100m, the tortoise has travelled 10m. In the time it takes you to travel 10m, the tortoise has covered 1m. In the time it takes you to travel 1m, the tortoise has travelled .1m… and so on, and so on, and so on. Every time you reach a point where the tortoise has been, you still have further to go because the tortoise has moved. Can you ever pass the tortoise?

You gave me the answer when you said “…you still have further to go because the tortoise has moved.” Therefore, no, I cannot pass the tortoise.

Write a limerick or haiku about air hockey. I’d really prefer a limerick, cuz they’re all rhyme-y and stuff… but haiku’s are easier to write. I’ll give you extra points for writing a limerick – is what I’m getting at.

I will one-up you:

Limerick

Right-wall unders alone won’t do
If your cuts and crosses are poo,
Stop shots of the same
To make yours a name
Of an accomplished air hockey guru.

[Sorry it's not funnier.]

Haiku

A wrist flicks slightly.
The disc hits home in earnest.
You are defeated.

Say nice stuff about me. I let your brother Joe say bad stuff about me – y’know to mix things up… but he listed things that are truly awful about me and it made me feel like a big jerk. My ego can’t deal with that stuff. So keep it nice, and list out some things that make you happy that I’m part of your family.

Dan, you’re a true thinker. Everything you do seems carefully thought out and executed. You also are a fantastic story teller, even though I know everyone in my family has a habit of interrupting stories [myself included]. You make a fine brew, and you are patient with my pretend knowledge of beer also. But I can’t think of anything more important than the fact that you and Amy are happy together and that you’re part of the fam; you’re a natural fit with the ol’ Roods.

So… what do you think of Obama now that he’s in office? Are you super happy, or are you hoarding ammunition… y’know, for when Obama turns the US into a socialist state ruled by Islamic Sharia law.

I am actually super happy to be hoarding ammunition. But that’s for when the zombies come. Or the communists. Or the zombie communists.

So that’s it. I take offense to Eric questioning my leading questions. I make no apologies… have you not read any of my interviews? And you questioning me? That’s not how this works.

Oh – and the tortoise/hare question. It’s a version of Zeno’s paradox (of ancient Greece) – and stumped great thinkers for centuries. Basically it’s a math problem – but presented like a calculus problem before calculus existed. If I asked you this question… where it’s more like an algebra question… how would you answer? Tortoise is given a 100m head start… the rabbit travels at 100m per minute, and the tortoise 10m per minute. If the race is 1000m long – who wins? Does the rabbit pass the tortoise?

I hope I just blew your mind.

Training day

Ok, so before I head out tonight for more air hockey, I thought I’d finally get around to posting about last Saturday. Especially now that I have pictures that Eric Rood (my brother-in-law) took.

Saturday was all about drifting. Since we had learned the line attack, it was a simple transition to the “open V”. Instead of staying at the line and bouncing it off the side in a straight line, we started a little back and hit basically a mini-bank to hit a shot. Learning to hit off that bank shot set us up for learning how to hit off the diamond drift. Billy didn’t want us to just “dribble” with the drift before we take a shot – but to actually use it as an offense.

This was a challenge for me. I can barely do it. I imagine it would be a very useful offense when I can vary the speed of the drift – and be able to fake and use time delays with it.

I’m so far from that right now. Really – it’s one of those things where I wouldn’t even like to attempt to do it in a challenge match, only in a practice match.

I don’t know what else to say… other than I’ll likely have more to say after tonight. So.. I give you… pictures!!!
Here I am (The wrist guard really, really helps me… and it’s easy to put on/take off)

Here’s a closeup – where Billy has written on the table. They’re different “starting points”

Billy looking on:

Nick’s mallet

New #6

Congrats to Billy Stubbs for flying down to Texas for a challenge match. He took on Vince Shappell for his #6 world ranking and won 3 sets to 1.

Awesome!

…if anyone took video or pictures, I’d love to post it.

Long weekend pt. 1

So, there was a lot of air hockey played the past couple days in Glendale Heights, IL.

Thursday night I drove out there from the city to meet up with Mike and Nick and whoever else wanted to play.  When I had gotten there around 8:30, it seemed as though Nick had been there for awhile already.  I’ll try to see what I can remember from Thursday (I’m writing this on Sunday).

I remember not having someone to play right away.. so I grabbed my mallet and started practicing my diamond drift.  Billy’s lesson on Saturday was going to be drifting – and I’m *terrible* at doing a diamond drift.  I just can’t do it for shit… but every little bit of practice helps, and I got a little better… I think.

I only remember playing Nick and Mike and getting beat by each.  I had been doing well prior to last week.  I’m perfectly ok with this development… I’ve been trying to practice and master some of the things Billy has taught us… and mastering new stuff each week has been difficult to say the least.  I haven’t been happy with my defense, lately, either.   It’s probably due to the fact that I *know* what I should be doing, but my body isn’t cooperating.  I’ve been getting killed with Geoff’s cross straights and Nick’s cuts… and everyone’s left wall unders.

It was a fun night… and I recall goofing off with Mike.  It’s pretty fun to play Mike when there’s no ratings points on the line… he just turns into that kid with ADHD and will literally stand on the table and play.  We hung outside and had a smoke – and I busted out my new cell phone and took pictures of them.

Nick

Mike

The more I think of it… I feel like I Nick has earned a new nickname, “James Brown” – aka, the “hardest working man in showbusiness” – because Nick is the hardest working man in air hockey. He is *always* playing anyone and everyone that is willing to play him. He’s always at the Brunswick zone working on something. It has certainly shown in his rankings. Later that night, he convinced the staff to get bowlers to play him in air hockey… they announced 2 free hours of bowling for anyone who could beat the “resident air hockey pros”… they then sweetened the deal by earning a free game just by playing them… which then got upped to $30 bounty for anyone who could beat them.
Soon, a small trickle of “resident drunkards” started heading over to the air hockey table. I stood behind Nick while he did his thing – meanwhile Mike was doing his thing as well. It typically went like this: drunk guy pulls the puck out, slaps it on the table… grabs the mallet by the ‘handle’ in the middle… then hamfistedly hits the puck as hard as they can without any regard to accuracy… The puck would bounce around haphazardly and eventually Nick would get control. The drunkard would hold his mallet right next to the goal and think that he could defend whatever started to come his way.. and in a blink of an eye – Nick would smash a right wall under right past the person on his first shot. After that first goal, you could imagine the few working neurons working together to realize what had just happened… and he’d realize that he was in way over his head. Usually this was followed by him saying, “What the fuck was that?” or “whoooooahhh”. He’d look to his friend, and they’d shake their heads at each other. As the score would get more lopsided, Nick would reach into his old bag of tricks and pull out some fancy play. The too fast diamond drift.. the smacking it back and forth very fast.. the hitting the puck with the underside of the mallet trick… I even saw him do the “pull the puck out of the slot, put the puck under the mallet… reach up with both hands like the puck is in his left hand… then put the puck down with his mallet hand and hit it from there” trick. Just a string of goofy, goofy stuff… and the reaction from the drunkards were the same. When the crowd got large enough, Nick would shout out that we play every Saturday and how much fun it is and that we’d teach anyone how to play. I did notice a couple guys actually starting to hold the mallet correctly – just imitating Nick and Mike… so some of them were learning and strategizing. I didn’t think of it until I got home, but I should have talked to a couple of them about how low the learning curve is for air hockey if you know what you’re doing… and if they were interested, come play on saturday… yadda yadda… but I didn’t. Maybe next Thursday. I think next time – instead of just having Mike and Nick beat everyone.. we’d pit a couple friends against each other – and have us “coach” and give pointers so they can beat their friends… then a newbie would see that there’s technique and enjoy beating the crap out of their friend.

We stayed very late that day… didn’t get out of there until after midnight. I can’t even imagine how many games Nick and Mike played.

Interview: Billy Stubbs

Yes!  The resident Illinois Master.  How do I introduce him?  He’s a guy us IL air hockey players look up to, and it’s easy to do so.  Billy is a person who has his life in order.  He’s always calm, reserved, and no-nonsense.  For as calm as his appearance, he’s very passionate about the things he cares about… and Air Hockey just one thing.  He’s the first person who sent me his reply, then went over what he sent to fix the few grammar/spelling mistakes.  He cares how he’s being presented – as if there’s someone actually reading this blog.  Billy really comes alive when you have something to talk about where you disagree with him.  If he thinks you’re worth talking to and he feels he has a good idea about the topic… be ready.  I wrote about an earlier echange with him a little while ago – where I made some comment where I was expecting an eye roll and and a brush off – but he came back with sound arguments and teeth.  I’ll correct him soon, but this blog is not the place for that.  This is a place where we can roll around in the big fuzzy blanket that is competitive Air Hockey.

On with the interview!

You said you like dogs.  Dogs are pretty much better than people.  They’re really great.  My little Zoe is a crackup, she’s very un-doglike.. and as a shih-tzu, her two favorite things to do are 1 – be lazy, and 2 – eat delicious food.  She’s great for living in the city because she doesn’t require me to take her for half a dozen walks and she gets along with the cat. I’m assuming you used to have a dog or maybe grew up with one.  If you did – tell me about it, if not – tell me why you want a dog.

I think of dogs as “baby-light”. They’re like a trial run for raising babies, with only a 10 year commitment.

I consider myself a dog lover. Dogs are always happy to see you, eager to please, and make good playmates. What more could you want?

I find air hockey to be sickly fascinating.  Once you get over the hurdle of gaining control of the puck and using the triangle defense – the game just completely opens up.  There are so many different strategies and there’s no limit to how good one can get.  Tell me what you find so compelling about air hockey.

I like Air Hockey because it’s a one-on-one competitive sport that is both physical and mental – almost like a combination of chess and tennis. A player must have speed, good hand-to-eye coordination and a strong will to win, along with an in-depth strategy and theory of the game. And I still find it extremely fun and competitive after 16 years of playing!

You’re right, there are a ton of strategies to employ, but what most of the novice, amateur, expert, and even some pro-level players fail to grasp is that there is a broad overall strategy that should be used. For example, on offense there is one type of offense that is the correct way to approach the game: A deliberate attack that features high-percentage shots. This type of offense has been used by every World Champion over the last 20 years. Simply hitting the puck, volleying, using two mallets, being overly gimmicky and complicated just does not work. The best offensive method is not rocket science, but remains unused by 95% of the players. A player should 1) establish control of the puck 2) strategically decide on which high-percentage shot to use 3) drift the puck and execute the shot — then repeat what works. Within this broader strategy there are thousands of nuances in the execution and application of it…that’s were the creativity lies.

So, I’m going to the nationals and I know you know some of the masters pretty well.  Tell me some embarrassing stories about these guys, so that instead of being in awe of how great they are… I can think – “oh that was the guy who shat his pants at Shoney’s”… or something to that effect.

Well, if I tell all of the really embarrassing stories that I know in a public forum, I’d probably end a few marriages and loose a friend or two! Let’s chat off-record for some of those tales.

Here are some embarrassing stories that are already known by most:

-         Don James French kissed Jose Mora in the ear after they first played in ’95 – Jose did not reciprocate, but he didn’t say “no” either.

-         Mark Robbins orders his pancakes with mustard and broccoli then rolls them up like a burrito.

-         Andy Yevish was once late to a quarter-finals Nationals match against Don “The Ear Licker” James and forfeited several points because, as he said to the head referee, “[he] was taking a massive crap”. Andy went on to have the crap beaten out of him in that same match.

-         I’ve seen Phil Arnold, on more than one occasion at a Nationals, celebrate victory after scoring what he believed to be the 7^th goal of the 7^th game, then  raise his arms in the air and prance away from the table in a sort of duck-man-victory-walk, only to realize that it was 6-all. In both cases the opponent (Mike Barry and Owen Giraldo) had mercy on Phil and allowed him to return to the table before resuming the match!

Tim Allen and Eddie Murphy are a couple of comedians who started out doing dirty, filthy stuff… and they were hilarious (ok, maybe not Tim Allen).  Now – every goddamn show they’re in is some hackneyed Disney movie that is terrible.  They’re not the only ones who’ve started out doing the dirty to Disney route… and I can’t figure out this trend.  I think just saying that “money” is a not-so-fun answer, so I’m ruling it out… what other reasons could there be?

Perhaps it’s because they now have children and want to create work that is enjoyable for their children, or their fans now have children and their fans are loyal enough to take their children to their Disney movies? I’m not sure, but George Carlin had kids and never lost his edge, so maybe Eddie and Tim are just washed up hacks. After all, Norbit did sweep the Razzies last year.

So, I’m going to give you a couple impressions I’ve had when I visited your home and possibly make some horrible inductive leaps that are quite possibly untrue.  First off, I love the Jesus action figure.  I got that one for Amy for some occasion.  I believe it’s the one with ‘gliding action’.  We also have “Buddy Christ” – the one where Jesus is giving the ‘ol thumbs up and has a big shit-eatin’ grin.  You hardly had any books out – and it’s generally a big insight into what people put into their brains… and the only book I noticed that you had in your home was “Atlas Shrugged” by Ayn Rand.  Now, how I got through college and didn’t have any friends or know of anyone who decided this was their personal Bible – I’ll never know.  I never got to have those late-night coffee shop debates about Objectivism.  In fact, I’ve only recently gotten curious about Ayn Rand because of reviews of the video game, BioShock.  I guess I found it amusing that a video game review would directly summon a recent branch of philosophy.  I still haven’t read the book – or even played BioShock to the point where I understand the plot and the point of the game… but I *did* kinda skim through the Wikipedia entry for Objectivism and because I’m an egotistical nutjob – I feel as though I can weigh in.

I have to say, I’m not terribly impressed with Objectivism.

Well… from what I understand… most people either love or hate Objectivism, but I don’t really feel strongly one way or the other… I really do like some ideas – like Ayn’s position on metaphysics (it’s very no-nonsense/no bullshit)… and really her whole approach to philosophy which is more of a practical guide rather than a mental masturbation.  Her focus on reason is great, like a post-Kantian who isn’t going to get caught up trying to balance her views with the predominant views of religion.  All good stuff I can get behind.  I think she falters on some of the more important stuff – like her concept of rational self-interest.  Her concept that selfishness is a virtue is … is a bit, uhm, selfish (but what the hell do I know, she’s the one who wrote the book).  Personally, I find it very easy – perhaps natural to behave in a way that is ultimately very selfish… but I won’t assume that this rationalism is good for the individual… in fact, I find that selfish people are incredibly unhappy people.  Plus, David Foster Wallace gave a great speech on the virtue of just the opposite – also in a very non-bullshit, practical sort of way and speaks directly to this issue.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2008/sep/20/fiction

I kind of find ‘ol DFW to be an example of the anti-Rand, going so far as to hang himself (or would someone argue that he fits perfectly in that hanging himself is a purely and wholly selfish act?).    Anyway – the other place I disagree with Rand is her favoring pure, uncontrolled, unregulated laissez-faire capitalism.  Now – I can see where she’s coming from when she says this… which is more anti-government than anything.  She’s assuming that governments are historically worse for people than corporations.  I think we can say that laissez-faire, unregulated capitalism gave us this current recession (not to mention Enron, junk bonds, and subprime mortgages).  When AIG sells credit default swaps to investors in case an investment goes bust – and doesn’t actually have the capital to make good on those swaps… it’s criminal.  In laissez-faire capitalism, that is business and everything is peachy.  It’s contradictory for Rand to say role of the government is protection of individual rights and back laissez-faire capitalism… because laissez-faire capitalism allows people to rob others.  I’m not going to say that government is the answer, but it seems as though if we allow corporations to screw people over for money – they will do so with gusto.  The other part of this is that she believes, essentially that markets are rational.  I can’t really blame her – because this was the emerging theory around the time of when she wrote her books, but it turns out that she’s really badly wrong about this.  For instance, stock market bubbles exist – which are at odds with this theory, and also cognitive biases are also reflected in stock market prices.  I think it’s quaint that she tries to mix economic theory with her philosophy, but they don’t really support each other.

So.. this turned into a long rant based on me merely seeing a book in your place – that, and I’m bored at work again and thought I’d spew on this for a bit.  So… for the actual question… uh… defend Rand, if you’re a fan… or talk about some other object I could have seen in your home that would have made for a better rant… your blinds, perhaps.

I have read all of Ayn Rand’s works and played through the entire game of BioShock. So I’m basically a world leading authority on the subject of the relationship between the two . The city of Rapture in the game was intended to mirror a Randian-like society that went horribly wrong due to mob corruption. Little to talk about here, but it was a damn good game!

Although, I think Ayn Rand is one of the great thinkers of our time, I don’t agree with all of what she says. I disagree with some of her views on environmental issues (and others), but what I do agree with her on, and what is the focus of Atlas Shrugged, are her views on selfishness and laissez-faire capitalism.

Rand’s philosophy of self-interest is rooted in the Declaration of Independence. The Declaration gave a moral OK to selfishness: The right to live your life for you and you alone, to exercise your liberty, to pursue your happiness. No more taking orders from a king or society’s whims of the moral majority. No more self-sacrifice to the needy or powerful. Each man and woman was free to live for himself.

In “Atlas Shrugged”, Ayn Rand presented a philosophic foundation, in the form of a fictional book, for the Declaration’s ideas of individualism and selfishness. She believed morality and society’s purpose isn’t to command you to sacrifice your interests and capital for the sake of others, but rather to teach you the rational values and virtues that individualism and the pursuit of happiness in fact requires.

The Creed of the Bourgeoisie is always the same: Selfishness is evil and altruistic sacrifice for the needs of others is good. But Rand said this creed is wrong. Selfishness, rather than being evil, is a virtue. By this she did not mean exploiting others in the way Bernie Madoff and the execs at Enron criminally took advantage of people. To paraphrase Rand: Selfishness –  that is, concern with one’s genuine, long-range interest – has required man to think, to produce, to create, and to prosper by trading with others voluntarily to mutual benefit.

*As a side note, capitalism does not allow people to rob each other, anymore than the existence of knives allows us to stab each other. Robbing is robbing, regardless of whether or not a society implements communism, socialism, capitalism, totalitarianism etc. It’s a separate issue, red herring and goes back to my previous point about The Creed of the Bourgeoisie.

To address your concern that laissez-faire capitalism gave us this current recession, just the opposite is true: What we have is a regulated market, and the regulated market is failing.

Our present crisis has been attributed to the free market instead of government regulation. Proposed solutions involve yet more government intervention to rein in the pursuit of self-interest in the form of capitalism. Rand offered us a way out; to fight for a morality of rational self-interest, and for capitalism.

The cause of the financial crisis is our distance from the ideal of laissez-faire capitalism. Although the media blames the free market, the U.S.’s financial markets are littered with government regulations. Participants in the “free”market are not free to pursue their self-interest. Instead, the government overrides this pursuit to achieve the “public good.” So it created the Federal Reserve, charged with the task of manipulating money and interest rates to create full employment and price stability for all. It sponsors entities such as Fannie and Freddie, which somehow will bring homeownership into everyone’s reach (sounds like a politician’s speech, huh?). There were drastic attempts by the government to control the housing and financial markets by using a Federal Reserve that cut interest rates to all-time lows. Essentially the government went on a campaign to promote “affordable housing to all,” which meant forcing banks to make loans to unqualified home buyers. Currently, and contrary to laissez-faire principles, the government is in the midst of promising to bail out financial institutions that supposedly carry “systemic risk” for everyone and nationalizing health-care.

As for AIG’s credit default swaps, there’s nothing wrong with credit-default swaps. If the government let AIG fold, we would have discovered that. AIG made mistakes. The people that assumed risk with AIG made mistakes. And the company and people should suffer for those mistakes. If federal regulators were regulating the credit-default-swap market, history has shown that things would probably be worse.

People are saying, “We’re heading toward socialism, we’re heading toward more regulation.” “Atlas Shrugged” is coming true. How do we stop it? Unfortunately, there is nothing to stop. Businessmen and women are panicking. Many of them understand that this was not a crisis of free markets. With all of the regulations, there was no free market to fail.

You’d be surprised what you can find out about a person by asking them their opinion of their moms.  For a conservative, church-going gal – I find my mom to be hyper-rational.  I remember having a conversation with her when I was in high school and she argued that drugs should be made legal.  We’re not talking just pot and we’re not talking decriminalization.  She thought everything should be legal. It kinda blew my mind.  She’d probably find the recent report on Portugal and their change in drug laws to justify her thinking.  So… tell me about your mother.  And if something really bad happened and you never got to know your mom – make something up, because otherwise I’d feel like a real dick.

My Mom is amazing. She had me when she was 37. She had two other sons, my brothers John and Phil, who were both over 18 when I was born. So my Mom essentially had to do it all over again. And although my Mom was overworked, she never complained. She would work her fingers to the bone for me and my family and she’d come to our rescue, no matter what the cause.

Here’s where you write nice things about me.  There should be at least 2 statements that include hyperbole.  Actually… I’ll let you write one thing bad about me if you want, but it has to be sarcastic – so that I can assume it’s sincere.

Interesting interview “question” here…OK how’s this? Dan you are a gentleman and scholar; your wisdom is only surpassed by your good looks. Not to mention you make a pretty damn good beer. I did drink the one you left over, by the way and it was pretty tasty!

Will the Cubs do it this year?  Or would you rather talk about the upcoming Bears season with their new hot-shit QB?  I’m not sold on their defense bouncing back, but I think the biggest key to their success isn’t just Cutler, but a retooled offensive line and the fact that teams will have to respect the running game.

At the beginning of the season, I predicted the Cubs to lose to the Yankees in the World Series. I think that’s still a pretty reasonable prediction, both teams are above .500 and having been playing well lately.

I moved to Chicago 10 years ago, and have since learned what longtime Chicagoans have known for over 100 years: Don’t put your heart into the Cubbies, it will only lead to disappointment. No matter how great of a rotation the Cubs have: Harden, Dempster, Zambrano and Lilly, the Cubs will not win. Ever. Although I wouldn’t mind being proved wrong!

What’s it like to win a World Championship in Air Hockey?  Do I even have a chance to be considered a Master some day?

Winning a World Championship in Air Hockey was a very proud moment in my life. Although I was only 20 at the time and a bit too young to fully appreciate it. It’s a great feeling to be able to win at something that you’ve practiced so much – even if Air Hockey is a fringe sport, it meant a lot to me to say that “I won the World Championships.”

For you to be a Master, you have to be willing to invest a lot of time into the sport that will give little pay-back outside of the reward of playing the sport itself. When I was first starting in Air Hockey, I would play 6 days a week, for 6 hours a day. This went on for almost 2 years. While I don’t think you need that type of commitment, you need to put in a lot of time at the table to crack the top 10, especially since you started playing in your 30s. You have a solid approach to the game and some good natural reflexes. The question is, can you put in the time? And if you can, who would want to do such a crazy thing? J

Ok, so I have to ask you about advertising – y’know, since it’s your job.  Like everything, advertising is a mixed bag and is a powerful, persuasive tool.  On one hand – I want to find out about products and services I can use – on the other, advertising can be misleading and get people to value things they shouldn’t.  For instance, one of the greatest ad campaigns “A diamond is forever” creates value on a product whose profits may be used to fund warlords in Africa.  Although DeBeers is no longer a monopoly, and they claim they do not deal in conflict diamonds (I don’t know how one can be sure), it still seems as though diamonds are highly over-valued.  Ultimately – any product choices are made by consumers, and there is more than enough information out there for someone to make an informed choice.  For my engagement ring – my wife didn’t want a diamond… she wanted a sunstone because gem-quality stones are only mined in the US.  I discovered a mine in Oregon and flew out to mine my own stone.  When the mine owners found out I was looking for an engagement ring – they didn’t charge me a cent for the many stones I pulled out of the mine and even hooked me up with an amazing jeweler.  The ring I gave my wife not only features giant stones (it looks like something Ben Afleck would have given JLo) – but I have a story and a deep connection to the ring itself.  Ultimately, this example of defying the “conventional wisdom” of the diamond industry was very satisfying to me.  I guess as someone who works in market research I’m hyper-aware of advertising, and I’m constantly evaluating the messages I’m sent via advertising.  So, as someone who makes advertisements – what are the techniques you use to get people to buy the products you are helping to sell, and do you feel you are ultimately helping the people who view your ads by connecting them to products that enhance their life?

That’s a very cool story about how you mined your wife’s engagement stone!

About advertising, I don’t feel that I am ultimately helping the people who view my ads by connecting them to a product to enhance their lives (although that may or may not be a bi-product of my work). I ultimately am trying to sell my client’s product and build my client’s brand value in a way that is honest and ethical. The exact technique depends on a lot of things: The objective, client, brand, target, product etc. And depending upon the latter, I may use a bunch of different solutions: Create a metaphor, promise a benefit, inject dramatic conflict, offer a reward, use humor etc. If anyone is really interested in seeing what techniques I use, just check out my work: http://www.willstubbs.com/portfolio08 My portfolio is a couple of years old, but you get the idea.

Also, what made you decide to buy a Porsche? What did you gain, as a consumer, by spending more on a Porsche than, say, getting a cheap Toyota?  I ask, because I used to do auto market research, and I find it amazing when someone is willing to spend way, way more money on something that has the same utility as something far cheaper.  I mean, I have a Civic – it’s easy to take care of, it’s cheap, it gets me to where I’m going, has A/C, and music.  Other than a little more comfort, I can’t imagine needing anything more, let alone be willing to spend for it.

I bought a Porsche because they are comfortable, safe, produce low emissions, have great engines and refinements, are reliable, hold their value, and have a beautiful timeless design. As for whether or not it’s worth it, I cannot think of any car, for less money, that matches Porsche on these fronts. Whether or not “it’s way way more money”, well that’s subjective and relative. You could ask the same question of virtually any purchase: Why buy Levi’s instead of Dickies? For me, the cost justifies owning a well engineered machine. Oh, and I like to drive really fast.

Ok, so there you have it… Rand apologist and all.  I’m pretty sure he’s being sarcastic with the good looks thing, but he said in comparison to my wisdom.  Hmm… I think he got two good digs in there.

Interview: Nick Harbacek

Ok, In my first air hockey interview – I present to you, Nick Harbacek.

When I first met Nick, he was the young veteran with the flashy offense.  Before I started playing competitively, I thought this was the kind of player I could beat with a reasonable defense and very accurate shots.  Nick taught me that I was sadly mistaken.  Flashy offense has its place, and my one-trick pony of an offense was no match.  Also, there is nobody I’ve seen that can match the intensity of his game, and I’ve yet to see anyone who takes air hockey more seriously.  Off the table, Nick is cool guy with some young kids… and has one of those ‘out of the blue’ sort of senses of humor… where he’ll make a crack and I won’t even know what to think at first.

Anyway – Nick is still a little better air hockey player than I, though our matches tend to last the full 7 games.

So – here’s the interview.  I admit my style is a little weird, and I appreciate Nick taking the time to answer everything fully and honestly.  Take your time and enjoy.
This economy sucks. You’re unemployed, my wife is unemployed.. Billy goes to 6 interviews and doesn’t get his job… things are out of control. Once, I’ve summarized the start of the downfall of the economy. In very simplistic form, it went kind of like this. Homes became a very good investment because housing prices kept going up and up. Things were getting ridiculous – shit – there were even basic cable shows about ‘flipping’ houses and how much money people were making from doing this. Banks knew this and created balloon loans to just shove money out the door for anyone willing to buy a house. Why? Because if the person couldn’t afford the house and defaulted on their loans, then the bank would own the house – and could then sell it for a profit. It was a beautiful process… you buy a home – either fix it up or don’t… then sell it for a huge profit. If you were a first time buyer – you’d get a sub-prime loan to afford it and you were on your way up the property ladder. Who could have thought that this was unsustainable? As soon as these forclosures were selling for *less* than what they were bought for (among other things – I don’t even want to get into commercial paper and credit default swaps) – the system became untenable and shit collapsed like a house of cards. If you were in charge – how would you prevent such a thing from happening again?

Now before i even get started, know that i have very little economical knowledge or interest. I exist in this world as much as any other person and am feeling the pressure of this countries poor economical standing but i leave the problem solving to much more qualified people. The way i see it is this…

Greed is the downfall of the american system. I never want to call myself poor. I don’t want my family to struggle to pay bills, to have to decide whether or not to go grocery shopping or pay the electric bill. Here i am though, each month choosing which bills i should pay, and which bills i’m going to have to skip for awhile. I think if banks and corporations weren’t so preoccupied with filling their own pockets with gold and living well beyond their necessities this would be a better world. What gives them the right to make millions of dollars a year sitting behind their big flashy desk and computer ordering people around? When i physically push my body to it’s limits, tearing skin off my hands, burning holes through my clothes and legs, and all the while working in a shop that’s reached over 100 degrees, just to clear around 40k a year. Where is the justification of who works harder? The only thing that this executive person holds over me is a title. He doesn’t love his family more because he can afford to take them on vaccations or to Disney World two to three times a year. He doesn’t value his life more because it’s filled with riches and treasures the likes of which i will never see.

I think to fix our economy we need to do away with unessecary objects. Mansions, sports cars, gold watches, etc. These are things that only perpetuate the need for money in this country that doesn’t need to exist. I’m not suggesting Communism but if all the wealth of america just filtered their fortunes into worthy causes and lived normal lives instead of these extravagent fantasies we’d all benefit. People like me not having to worry about keeping a roof over my families head, and people like them who would learn the value of a hard earned dollar.

The Bears defense slumped bigtime last year and were in the bottom half of the NFL… they had their bright spots, but I’m concerned they won’t be able to bounce back – even with Lovie calling the plays. Will the moves they’ve made with their offensive line and the blockbuster trade for Jay Cutler mean a damn if the defense doesn’t get back to fighting shape? Give me your analysis of the Bears this coming season.

Excellent question by the way, i love the Bears. I’m so worried about our aging defense, we used to command fear and respect when our defense was on the field. Sadly, i don’t see it that way anymore. We’re like a winning race horse put out to pasture. How embarassing was it to watch the deep passes work on us all season. Tillman and Vasher were both pro-bowl cornerbacks were they not? We blew a game against the Buccaneers with 0:11 seconds left and the lead all because they were able to bomb it down field to set up the field goal. They could rename the Hail Mary play the Bear Beater, or something. Mike Brown was a force to be reckoned with, this being the first season that i’ve really seen him in action, and when he went down with injuries, again, Steltz was no replacement. I suppose we can forgive Steltz in his rookie season but watching him get burned (by Andre Johnson of the Texans i think?) by the receiver that the comentator had mentioned over and over again that we were doing a great job maintaining was painful.

This season, well, Matt Forte came out strong as a rookie. Logically, he should only get better with experience and as the teams leading rusher and receiver (by touches) i expect him to continue to preform at a high caliber. Jay Cutler, who i know nothing about, is a HUGE aquisition no matter what the defense does for us. We haven’t had an offense since i started following the Bears religously a few years ago. It’s been this constant excruciating struggle watching the defense pride themselves in leading the league in turnovers, and the offense give it right back. Ugh… What scares me is that we finally have the QB we’ve been waiting for, but we lost all our WR’s before we got him. Booker and Lloyd are good, Hester has amazing potential, but Berrian and Muhamad were stars. Those 2 guys made a name for themselves having to catch passes from Grossman. We still have an amazing tight end package but rarely is a tight end going to catch a deep ball. If the offensive line can give Cutler enough time to work it’ll be more then enough to take our division, the playoffs are another story entirely.

My offensive stars of this season: Cutler (of course), Greg Olsen, Matt Forte, Devin Hester, and Desmond Clark.

On the defensive side of the ball. Urlacher is still an amazing player with a brilliant sense of the game. He isn’t the young powerhouse he was a couple years ago, but now he’s a regular powerhouse. Briggs is still a force in the middle as well. The running game is not going to have success on our standard 4-6 defensive package. Most teams in the league know this and don’t mind taking it to the air to beat us. So the defensive questions of the year are. Can Tillman and Vasher provide the coverage we need? Can the defensive line get enough penetration to stop the passing attack before it happens? Idonije, Harris, and everyone else on the line has sacking potential and they will succeed again this year.

Defensive star picks: Daniel Manning, Adewale Ogunleye, Kevin Payne, Israel Idonije.

My favorite bears players are Greg Olsen and Kevin Payne for these reasons. Greg Olsen follows a long line of great large Bears tight ends. Everytime he catches the ball he grabs hold and doesn’t let go, he also watches the ball into his hands. Kevin Payne goes horizontal everytime i see him land a hit. I love the intensity.

Tell me how to beat you in air hockey.

That’s simple. Convince me on the table that i can’t beat you and i won’t. You cannot succeed when you expect failure. I cannot play when angry, when i lose control over my personal peace it’s over. These are all mental aspects of the game, however, physically i can think of a handful of things that will make you more successful.

Most importantly, you need to be able to adapt at a moments notice. I am no stranger to falsifying my intentions on defense to force a shot. I will fake rush, purposely move my mallet off goal, leave a large hole open to coax my opponent into taking what looks like a free shot when it is not. Right wall overs, from anywhere, tend to have great success. Your offense has to score 7 goals before my own offense gets no more then 10 possessions. I make it my personal agenda to put the puck past you everytime i get the chance. It is a failure to me if i don’t score with every possession. I am no fool, i know my defense is my weak side of my style and knowing this i must capitalize on each and every oppurtunity my defense provides me. I have a hard time coming back from a defecit. I do all i can to maintain a point lead durring the game, and a game lead during the set. I get anxious, nervous, and sloppy when i’m fighting uphill. It’s funny how in any other sports i used to love the pressure being solely on my shoulders, bowling especially, i would shine when i needed to strikeout the tenth frame for my team to win. Maybe, just maybe, i’m not as confident as i seem in my skills in the sport of air hockey yet. But i’ll never admit it if i discover that is the truth.

In summary…
1) Win the mental battle.
2) Always play point for point.
3) Score 7 before i can score 7.

So.. “the greatest generation” – the people who fought in WWII, a group of people who are known for their solidarity, sacrifice, and courage. Well.. they gave birth to the baby boomers… which were kind of the opposite. So… tell me what you think of the legacy of the baby boomers.

They didn’t really plan ahead. Everything they left for us was stacked on a bridge of toothpicks so to speak. The planet is dying as natural resources become more and more scarce. The american dollar was supported by decades of borrowed money. The products of transportation and infrastructure weren’t built with earth-friendly processess or materials and the environment is suffering for it.

You’d have had to be pretty pesimistic to be the only one of that generation to think of the harm of what expanding technology and progress would eventually do to the world but here we have it. The world is falling apart because of it. Automatic machine guns built to be more effective killing machines for the highest bidder. Bombs and missiles that not only wipe out the targets but any innocents that happen to be around. The technology and huge leaps forward during this generation unleashed a plague upon the world. Televison is hyponotism, the internet is a gateway for pedophiles and perverts to see to their own ends, and all modern gadgets and appliances are a sponge for consumer dollars. In our society, we are hopelessly dependant on these ways of life but all it does is take over our life.

I just miss good old fashioned fun. Hanging out with my buddies now means hopping on the xbox and playing simulated war and violence as we try to defend ourselves against virtual enemies. I think of the movie the Matrix and how good of a prediction it might be. The baby boomers just set us up to fail in my eyes, unintentionally as it may have been. With every step forward, we step further away from our morals and simple dreams.

Music: I listen to a wide variety of music… I’ve even been labeled by others as a ‘music snob’… even though I don’t think that’s quite the right word for me. I like to think of myself as a connoisseur… but I’m not judgmental about what other people listen to…. mostly. I tend to like music that’s a little off the beaten path… looking at my ipod – I’ve got Animal collective, aphex twin, clor, Dan Deacon, Enduser, Handsome Family, Jamie Lidell, Man Man, Mountain Goats, Solvent, Thomas Function, Tosca, and motherfucking Ween. I remember you singing a song off Ween’s “The Mollusk” and thought it was supremely awesome. But if you’re familiar with any of these bands – they’re all pretty dissimilar and generally unpopular… electronica mixed with country, rock, alt, and neo-soul. What’s your relationship with music? Do you like going to concerts? What kind of music are you into?

As my good friend Ryan once said, “No music, no life.” amen brother! I love music, i want to be a musician. My personal favorite is metal. The intensity, the drive, the crashing waves of sound, the deep growling screams that send chills down your spine. All good music has to have emotion, people write love songs that make you cry and go all soft inside. People write dance songs and music that are filled with energy and pop to get you up and moving. Rap songs are wrote to mourn the dead or tell someone that he will soon be dead. Country to remind us city folk the importance of tractors and rural society.

Metal has such a negative perception about it and i offer this dissenting opinion. If all the other music in the world is geared to appeal to our emotions, why then would we leave out anger/aggression? Metal does nothing more or less then any other genre of music in an attempt to appeal to our emotions, and in my opinion, metal is more true to its pursuit then most other forms of music. Metal bands have written love songs, who can say that love has never made you want to scream? Metal bands have written happy songs, the phrase scream for ice cream comes to mind, lol. As far as i’m concerned, its their over top, exaggerated display of emotion that holds my interest.

Concerts would be great if they didn’t cost so damn much. I’m into seeing local bands for cheaper but it’s just so hard to find talent.

I’m no one-trick pony. My CD case from the front cover back holds Lamb of God, Haste the Day, Chimaira, System of a Down, Bullet for my Valentine, and others. But from the back cover towards the front is filled with my lighter indulgences. Jack Johnson (My overall favorite musician), Alice in Chains, Beck, Ween, and Radiohead. I like good music, plain and simple, i’ve bobbed my head along with my fiancee’s pop/rap stuff when i like it. There are a few country songs that don’t send me running. I really like good techno/trance music after my undertakings with certain drugs. I would never rule something out until i’ve given it a chance.

What kind of beer should I brew next? How strong should it be?

I only drink Bud Light. I was never a big beer drinker growing up. Rum and cokes are still my favorite. Stay away from fruit and you should do just fine.

There is a concept of buddhism called dukkha – which is like the concept of being unsatisfied. Wikipedia isn’t helping me because I thought there was some kind of teaching of Buddha that says that to be really happy – you should lower your desires. Kind of like a lowered expectations sort of thing. I mean, not all of us can live the life of Paris Hilton or inherit massive amounts of money. Being envious or wanting that kind of life is not productive at all. For me, I find myself wanting things that I can’t have or shouldn’t have… and it doesn’t make me happy… but as soon as I realize that “things” won’t make me happy, I feel better. It seems as though everyday we’re bombarded with marketing that glamorizes the new, cool, gadget, that great vacation destination, or a sexy new car. It seems that in our modern, western civilization that we’re compelled to believe that happiness and self-worth is to be had with our purchases.

So.. tell me.. how do I deal with this as someone who lives in this society – as a consumer… and share your personal struggles with this, if any.

UGH! I hate to think that our posessions lead to our happiness. I’m a minimalist. I don’t like to be overwhelmed by cool fads or hipster gadgets. My only participation into this world rests in video games, which is a childhood obsession that i can’t shake entirely. Western Civilization is geared to make money for the upper class by exploiting the needs and desires of the lower. Everyone is brain washed to think they need that new phone, or updated computer when the old works just fine. The word ‘old’ itself holds a negative stigma. Old socks and shoes, old car, old house… It’s funny that i want a career in advertising when i absolutely am disgusted by commercialism and how it preys upon the masses. Certain items are even built to break so that more money must be spent replacing the broken components. It’s a terrible system that is in need of change, especially as the world goes green and attempts to be eco-friendly. That’s a whole other story right there regarding the green movement and i hope one of us got a question like that.

I don’t follow any organized religion but i like the ideals of buddhism the most. Heaven on earth, karma, self-enlightenment, and what not. With absolutely no research, i also thought that buddhism was about being happy with who you are as opposed to what you own. The concept of ‘dukkha’ seems odd that it would exist. Unless it is merely a state that one tries to avoid much like the concept of ‘hell’ for a christian.

I’d like you to say nice things about me. You have to write at least 5 things – and if you must, it can be in list form.

You’re a very talented writer. I check your air hockey blog all the time. What makes me laugh about this is that, I’m really excited to read about things that happened right before my eyes no more then a day or two ago. That has got to be a confidence boost when someone says you can make something that i actually took part in more interesting then when i was there.

You have a wife. That alone is an accomplisment, to take two lives and merge them into one union is no easy task for anyone. Let alone to compromise and get a Thursday air hockey night because you wife is out doing her thing, shows me that you two know how to work together and respect each others personal agenda and wishes. I wish you nothing but the best with her, and i know i’ve never met her, because the 50 or 60 year anniversary is a dying celebration in this world. Marraige vows have never meant so little to so many.

Your capacity for learning is high. Given that you and I are the only ones remaining in Billy’s school of hard knocks… You have taken what he has taught us and have really put it to use. I am having these mental battles with myself as i try to abandon my own personal training program and think about whats going to work 90% of the time vs. 50% of the time. Sacrificing surprise and flair for discipline and mechanics. I know that everything he is showing us is an attempt to better us as players but i can’t shake the thought of, what if i was on to something new? Something magnificant. Something that would make me unique in comparison to the rest of the field. So while i am reluctant to change, you have already taken leaps and bounds in the right direction.

You’re clearly an intellegent guy. I only classify to people of this world into two main groups. The smart, and the dumb. I may use many words in place of dumb. Ignorant, stupid, foolish, immature, and disrespectful to name a few. It seems as if a good, honest, and smart person is getting harder and harder to find these days what with TV babysitters, and violence plaguing our society. Kids just scare the crap out of me with how young they are when they hit various milestones durring their lives. Drugs, sex, swearing, and others have their time and place, but why does it have to be destroying childhood innocence. These kids are going to grow up into something unimagineable and you’re not that type of person, nor would you raise a child to be that type of person.

You look great in a headband where so many others have failed before. enough said. =)

What was your first impression of me?

Well the honest truth is i’m a person who doesn’t really judge someone by their cover. The honest truth about that last sentence is that i “try” to not do it anyways. When i first saw a new face coming in to play air hockey i always get excited given how much i try to promote the sport. I always want to see us hit an unprecedented success that i can turn to my fiancee and say, “See! I told you this was a worthy investment of my time.” Anyways, you were older then the usual walk-in would be and i thought that was cool because of a few things. I could have a drink with you, which is more then i can say about 90% of Illinois air hockey players. You weren’t going to walk right out, you found us, and you had a genuine interest in the sport and everything we were about to school you on. Most importantly you didn’t suck, you had built up a considerable amount of skills completely without us, I refer to ‘us’ as the general air hockey community, and that is quite an accomplishment.

I couldn’t imagine having 2 kids at your age. That’s like me, 10 years ago. That’s craziness… I mean, I still don’t have my shit together, I can’t imagine what it’d be like with shorties to take care of. I’ve never met a father who doesn’t like his kids or would say they regret having them… but damn I’m happy I don’t have any to take care of. So.. tell me all the great things about having little ones running around your place as well as justify my position for not having them.

I’m glad you saved this question for last. I make it no secret that my children were both quite a surprise to Heather and myself. The story of their begining is one worth telling, and like most good things, it all started on a game of air hockey.

When a man loves a woman, they sometimes come together… anyways. Heather and I met at the bowling alley, a friend of a friend type thing. My good friend Mike was dating this horrible girl Ashley, Ashley has her thin, very athletic, blonde, high spirited friend Heather with her. She’s cute but i didn’t think much about it, I’m no good with girls. So we’re playing air hockey, the girls are bowling, and Mike is pushing me to feign interest in this girl because she had expressed to Ashley how hot i am. True. My first and only question, “How old is she?”

“17″ the reply.

“”No way bro! That’s trouble right there, I am 22 years old. I am not getting involved with anyone under 21 ever again Mike.” I expressed my intentions.

“I’ll play you in air hockey for it then. If I win, you have to flirt back with her. If you win, you can do whatever you want.” Mike challenges.

So the game begins… As i play i keep glancing up and over Mike’s shoulder and catch eyes with Heather staring me down and smiling. I smile back and focus on the puck. Whatever the points were about halfway through the game i couldn’t stop thinking about the girl across the table staring a hole through my head. What’s the worst thing that could happen if i just see where things go? I threw the game, and gave her a chance. Idle chit chat all night, awkward conversations until she had to go because her ride was leaving. I said nothing, and she walked out the door. I ran out and caught them before they left and asked if she could stay longer if i gave her a ride back later. she stayed.

Fast forward. We have seen each other a few times and been intimate once. She is a gymnist It’s a very loose relationship and no strings. I had finally said goodbye to my on again off again high school girlfriend of 7 years and really had no interest of jumping back into a relationship. The Texas State open 2007 tournament is right around the corner.

Fast forward. I’m in Texas for the tournament, we have still only been intimate once. Mike, Geoff, and I are at the pool of the hotel. I take a look at my phone and have a new text message. “We need to talk.” was all it said. I respond with something along the lines of, “Listen, i’ve heard that phrase before. If it’s anything other then ‘you’re having a baby’ lets just wait until i get back.” I wait for the reply and get, “Well, maybe you should call me.” Oh man… not again. I’m not terribly proud of this but i still feel it was the right decision, this is the third child i’ve fathered. One termination, and one miscarraige with the long time girlfriend before Heather.

Fast forward. I’m home, Heather gives me 3 choices. Disappear and never be in the babies life. Stick around for the kid but i don’t have to be with her. Or lets give it a shot and see if a relationship has a chance. Long story short, she is keeping the baby regardless of my presence or influence. We decided to give it a shot. It’s almost two years later and i couldn’t tell you if i made the right decision, but i am very happy, and i hope she is too.
They say a woman becomes a mother at conception, and a man becomes a father at birth. Oh man, do they have it right. That moment… the birth, is alien. It’s the most abnormal, absurd, captivating, inhuman thing you will ever witness and it is how every one of us started. It’s a moment that i’ll never forget as you watch a human, my little boy, come out of ANOTHER human. I turned to jelly, i cried, i smiled, i laughed, i ran through the entire gambit of human emotion in about 5 seconds. Oh yeah, lol. At the begining of the labor (14 hours prior) I was peaking pretty hardcore on some good X. ssh! It was one hell of a night.

The first 3-4 months is strange, they don’t interact. They don’t do much of anything. They really leave you thinking, my kid is a vegetable, i shouldn’t drink so much. My sperm are dumb. Then one day they learn to roll over, and it just so happens to be in the middle of night when he’s sleeping on a lazy boy because dad was too tired to assemble the portable crib. So you are half asleep and hear, THUD! WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! The first time you ever hear the pain cry is an experience in itself. The hungry cry is expected, the sleepy cry is pretty annoying but not bad. The pain cry can wake the dead. He finally settles down and you realize, holy shit, he just rolled over for the first time.

4-8 months. Wow changes! He works out a mimimum of two hours a day in his jumper, a.k.a. the babysitter. Speech starts to develop, crawling happens, he knows your face, he knows your voice. Every little step forward he takes fills you with the sense that life is so much bigger then yourself. That he is 100% in love with you unconditionally, and 100% dependant on you and helpless without you. You feel important, significant, loved, and you love him back even when you hate him. I have to give CREDIT (thats big credit) to Heather for being the middle of the night parent. I’ve only had to leave bed maybe 20-30 times ever, to the day, to take care of the kids after i’ve gone to bed.

8-13 months. He’s a little man now. He likes to throw a ball to his dad. He’s right handed. He likes rough housing. He likes bathes. He hates pants, naps, diaper changes, and anything that slows him down. His best friend is a 5 foot tall plush moose, and his parents. He knows to be gentle with his little brother. He doesn’t just walk, he runs where he wants to go. He puts his own toys away. I know everything about him, he’s like a best friend that you’ve had your whole life. Conversations with him, while silly, somehow make sense. I’m a father. In all my experiences in life, nothing i have accomplished leaves me more proud then watching my boy grow and learn.

The sacrifices are inmeasurable. My free life is over. No drugs, no late nights at the bar, no big parties at my place, no new girlfriends, basically everything that wasn’t wholesome is gone. It’s completely worth it. We lucked out having 2 boys, plus the baby shower netted us all the clothes/toys/things we need. Expendable items are the only thing that you have to worry about buying, diapers, formula, and wipes. I don’t know if i can justify not wanting kids for you but i would say this. If i could go back, i would still have them, i would still have them with Heather, i would still have them with Heather in the exact same scenario, 2-3 years later. Lol. But you do what you gotta do, it takes one pathetic man to turn his back on his children. When all is said and done, a person can adapt, and if the reward justifies the work one will tend not to notice the struggle.

outrage, over(s), politics

I’ll get the really boring stuff out of the way first.

 

I played 2 sets.  My first was against Goran. Playing Goran is a great yardstick for how far I’ve come.  In my first day of playing in January – Goran could beat me left handed.  A month ago, I got the feeling that he was still playing with me and the only chance I had against him was if he was screwing around.  I’m not so sure, anymore.  I won two games against Goran and only one game was a complete blowout.  Only losing 4-2 against him is a great victory for me.  I felt as though I’ve played as well as I’ve ever played.  It’s amazing that in my 5^th month of playing, I feel as though I can be competitive against one of the game’s best.

 

I watched Geoff play a set – and I had planned on playing him next – as I’ve yet to play him.  While making sure he doesn’t get away from me, Billy and I talked about his interview… which led to a discussion on laissez faire capitalism (Billy for it, I against).  I really enjoy having conversations like this with people who are reasonable and don’t take you picking apart their arguments personally.  Billy is very rational and can argue very well.  I always find myself in a pickle in verbal discussions because people will bring up stuff out of nowhere that I’ve never heard of and claim it as fact.  I’m much better when I can research a topic endlessly (for and against) and write out a coherent argument instead of trying to remember stuff.  When Billy posited his argument about the decline of the economy – it sounded somewhat reasonable, but when I countered with the problem of credit default swaps – he had no idea what I was talking about.  I probably shouldn’t mention this, but it’s odd having a conversation with Billy because he has this odd habit… and it’s very subtle.  Billy, for some reason, doesn’t like to stand and face you… he’ll always kind of move so that he’s standing next to you, and not face-to-face.  If I find that he’s standing next to wall or something – he’s stationary… otherwise I’ll always find myself looking further and further to my left or right depending on where I started out.  I have no idea if he’s even aware of this… but I find it rather funny that on airhockeyworld.com – everybody’s picture is straight on – except Billy’s… it’s a profile.

 

Suffice to say, I’m curious as to how he’s going to respond to my interview.

 

 

So then, I basically hounded Geoff for a set.  It’s ridiculous that we haven’t played in the past and it was our first set.  I made the big error trying to play with the high density mallet Mike gave me.  I had no control and it was hard to get a turnover.  I suffered my biggest loss in the set against him in the first game – which ended 7-5.  Geoff is a really solid player in that he just doesn’t make a lot of mistakes – he takes high percentage shots.. and his only weakness is that he seems to be a little too aggressive on defense.  He’s very intuitive when it comes to bringing it on defense – but I think I learned from watching him play Nick, and I made sure to reset my offense and pump fake and use cuts.  The next 4 games were all 7-6 matches… with Geoff taking all but one.  Again, I felt as though I played well and that some day in the future I’ll beat him.

 

Without a doubt, the reason I’ve been improving my game is because of Billy’s lessons.  I’m very quickly learning a lot about the game and having a hell of a time in the process.  I feel like I have all this knowledge, but struggle with the execution of it.  Which led us to today’s lesson… overs. We started out by Billy encouraging me to ‘dribble’ the puck… basically just gathering yourself and getting control of the puck before executing a move.  Seems odd that this is important, but it really seemed to help me focus myself and get in a groove.  I did a quick re-learn of old techniques, and I learned the very tricky shot of an over.  Instead of suggesting I hit it like an under – but just aiming it higher… he suggested I hit the puck with the back of the mallet to induce some spin on the puck so the puck will travel in a more obtuse angle.  It’s a shot that’s simply not comfortable to execute – so Billy had me practice it over and over and over again… from many different spots.  Then he showed me the vertical drift and had me hit out of it many times – including overs.  Billy didn’t cover all that much, it seemed – but the difficulty in executing more than made up for the lack of content…. And I will be very happy if I can hit an over with any regularity.

 

So…  during the long lesson Mike and Nick started a set.

 

…and I heard Nick get very mouthy.  He was yelling at Mike and I heard a couple random shouts of “Billy’s advice doesn’t work!” and other random nonsense.  Apparently Mike had found a new offense that… really… should be easy to defend.  He’s basically trotting the puck out to the middle of the table and then moving it veeeeery slowly from side to side… stop the puck.. then hit a straight.  No deception – nothing… just a very accurate straight shot.  What little I saw… was that Nick was flinching – and it proved to help Mike quite a bit… and since it was such a simple attack that was working far too well against a vet like Nick… Nick was getting very frustrated.  Usually Nick just gets pissed off at himself for blowing a set… but he began to blame Mike.  The screwed up thing is that for as pissed as Nick got from the set… he actually scored more points than Mike.  Check it.

 

Name   1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Games Points Nick Harbacek   5 7 6 7 5 7 4 3 41 Michael Yarbrough   7 4 7 2 7 5 7 4 39                       Overall Stats Name   7-6 7-5 7-4 7-3 7-2 7-1 7-0 Games Points PPG Nick Harbacek   0 1 1 0 1 0 0 3 41    5.86 Michael Yarbrough   1 2 1 0 0 0 0 4 39    5.57

Plus the fact that it went back and forth like it did… man… it’s just a tough set.  Losing 7-4 in the final game set Nick off.. in what’s becoming an all-too frequent sight.  I mean, I like the fire that Nick has and that he takes this seriously and wants to win, but it seems to be working against him at this point.  Nick gathered his stuff… and took his fiancée and his newborn with him. 

 

Mike got a text that he shared with Billy and I – and we even took a picture of it… hoping to post it on this blog… but Billy’s phone wasn’t saving his pictures.  I don’t recall what it said, but it was apparent that Nick’s temper had not flared out when he got home.  I hope these recent outbursts don’t sap the enjoyment of the game from Nick – because looking at the scores… it’s clear Nick was actually playing slightly better.

quick announcement

I’m mashing up my format from what amounts to a diary of me playing air hockey to include “other stuff”.  I’ll continue writing about the weeklies as I can still talk about all the different things I’m learning.

However, the first thing I will do to mix things up is to interview people with whom I play air hockey.  To keep it fun, only about 20% of the questions will be in regards to AH – the rest of the questions are either an example of me dumping my random consciousness, or completely thoughful and serious questions that will shine a light into the deepest recesses of my subject’s soul.

…but mostly it’s just me rambling.  Of the 4 interviews that I’ve sent out – the questions alone (I don’t think anyone got more than 12 questions) – come to 10 pages in length (over 5,200 words).  My god, if I could ramble like this like I could in high school or college, I would have no problem meeting page length requirements.  Instead I resorted to writing stuff like, “Abraham Lincoln was a very, very, very, very, very, very tall and bearded man.”

I feel like I’m fighting off the tendency to make things short and bumper-sticker-ish.  Twitter is a pox on the interwebs that will not stand.  I’m wordy.  Very.  I hope people like content, because I’m trying to bring it.

So, once we get all these interviews in – I’ll be open to suggestion of other people who I should interview (even if you chime in and say, “ooh, ooh, me”).  The only requirement is that the subject play air hockey – it goes with the blog, afterall.  So, keep this in mind for when the interviews roll in (give it a week or two).